more and more and more snow...

It has been snowing ALL day long. It's beautiful, gorgeous and breathtaking. I was sharing a story with my friend about my fond memories of the occasional snow that we had growing up in northern California. It happened perhaps every five years... or so it seemed to me.

The specific time that sticks out in my mind is having an exhilarating snow fight with my dad and brothers and sister (don't remember mom...hmm). So anyway, my dad was quite good at packing quite a hard snowball. I didn't think it was quite fair with my small hands, struggling desperately trying to make anything quite as effective as his rock hard snowballs.

Well, I somehow caught sight of a baseball, and in an instant, without thinking about it, covered it with snow, to make my own 'snowball'. Let me tell you, the instant it was freed from my hand and on it's way to the center of my dad's forehead, I reconsidered things! Funny how our mind works that way! It was almost like a Matrix moment... in slow motion I could see the path of destruction... I yelled out to warn my dad...which is it again that travels faster- sound or snowball?? Oh yeah. Snowball. Good thing he had a hard head.. and all of the children took after him~


"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep."
Carl Sandburg

winter wonder

There's something about the snow filled winter day. For whatever reason my melancholy state was enhanced by the never ending snowflakes falling. My heart filled with wondering about what would be, and gratitude for what is.
I put on my bright pink turtleneck, my coat, and my boots, and packed my camera and camcorder into a plastic bag to keep it safe from any curious snowflakes that would care to venture near...
I went towards the apple orchard, where earlier this year I had spent some time enjoying the flowers and the bees... amazed by the absolute stillness about me which was breathtaking. As much as I love springtime, I could not deny the beauty about me. I went up the snowpacked dirt road, through the fence and up towards the hill, determined to reach the top if I didn't roll down in a big snowball hitting pinon trees as I went...I did not, but in fact realized that my boots with the 2 inch heel made for a perfect climbing instrument. I dug deeply into the 10" snow, at times seeing the dirt lifted up with my following step. My heart pounded, and my cheeks felt invigorated by the crisp snowflakes.. I loved it. When I got to the top, and took a look around.. I felt at peace. It was terrific.
I made it back home and settled down with a steaming cup of candy cane green tea and watched Little Women. It was a bit surreal watching the snow through the large picture window alongside my tv. It literally transported me into the era! It was perfect.

sisters having fun

What a blast we had! While visiting in California, I was persuaded by my brothers to partake in a game of paint ball. We piled on the clothing for fear of getting bruised by our adversary’s attack, and wore the special face mask. I was scared somewhat, and did a lot more hiding than attacking. I did end up with one bruise on my leg. We paired up in teams and dodged about through the manzanita trees and other foliage about, especially conscious of the twigs that would break underfoot. We worked up a sweat, and had some good laughs afterwards. 


Here is a poem I wrote, inspired by the birth of my sister....


New Arrival


Finally the day had arrived
Anxiously I’d awaited
For months I’d counted the days
Thinking maybe this time a sister I’d receive
Although my hope was unsteady
Three times before
New brothers mom had bore
Waiting, waiting,
I anxiously paced
Pa said all was well
It’s healthy and mom is fine
Soon on my way I was to see
My heart crushed as I heard
‘You’ve got to be happy with what we’ve got’
It was not to be this time, I knew
Crimson cheeks and aqua eyes
Filled me with delight
With jubilation I was encased
As the name on the fragile wrist I did read,
‘Ellen Kate’
So delirious was I,
how the hat of pink had escaped my eye!

And so it is....

Andy Andrews, author of the book The Traveler's Gift: Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success…

Andy Andrews:
"And I think more people fail because of an undecided heart than anything else.....

Another important decision we make is deciding who to be friends with.
You know, we become like the people we hang out with, and if you want to play good tennis, you play with somebody who's better than you. And the same is true in life. You want to hang out with people who are wiser, who are smarter, who have a history of great decisions.

And a very important decision that can affect our success, is deciding to forgive people or not.

There is no book that says that to forgive somebody they have to deserve it …or that they have to ask for it. It just says that you give it. And forgiveness is a gift that is more affecting to the person who gives it, than the person who receives it. And there is one person just about everybody needs to forgive, and that is ourselves." Good stuff

Last night I was feeling a burst of energy and ended up running around with the boys, through the kitchen, up the stairs, down the stairs, around the couches, chasing them into an excited frenzy. We pretended to know karate and I got to trip them a few times; I had to calm them down a bit when they wanted to get too agressive- Afterwards, I felt like a pretty cool mom, being able to play with my boys like that. It reminded me of many games of 'wolf' played growing up, alongside my sister and 6 brothers. I was called a tomboy many a times. The thrill of running fast and furious in the night, the lungs bursting, the heart pounding, as we would seek our hiding place, hiding from the oldest brother who tended to be the 'wolf' because he was the best at it. That was one of our more favorite games. I believed that when hiding from someone you should never look at them, for the eyes would transmit an energy that would cause the seeker to sense your presence... Ahh, the thrill of the chase. I haven't been able to shake that desire even to this day...

So, it was about 11:30 before I was able to get the boys to bed, in which they immediately fell asleep. But not before my oldest made me promise that tomorrow, we would play the same game. OF COURSE. Good times.

comanche moon

Here is the journal entry I wrote shortly after going for the wardrobe fittings...

" Yesterday I was excited to go to a dress fitting for a mini series called Comanche Moon, the prequel to Lonesome Dove. It was to be an enlightening experience, for sure.  I was to be dressed in the fashion of an 1865 Austin woman. Who knew I'd get a fun story out of this?
     Shortly after I arrived, I sat before the hairdresser to get a sample hairstyle. She moved the curling iron around, expertly making soft curls around my face.  After pulling my hair back into a bun, she attached  a hairpiece of cascading ringlets to the back of my head.  It reminded me of a show I used to love watching.  Maybe youve heard of Nellie Olsen in Little house on the Prairie?  That was all pleasant enough.  After snapping a couple of shots with a Polaroid, I was off to be dressed , or rather undressed.
    Little did I know that this process  would take me nearly two hours.  But hey, I'm all for trying new things in the spirit of adventure.  The wardrobe woman took me into the dressing room, and instructed me to take off everything but the underwear, and put on a small white shirt.  Then I remembered I was wearing barely any, if you know what I mean. I don't think mine would be classified as underwear!  Well, I am pretty confident about my body, and  I exercise, but still I couldn't help  thinking -I just met her like 2 minutes ago!  Shouldn't we at least talk first?  I made a quick mental note to myself for future fittings on what not to wear. The shirt I put on was so tiny I had to turn into a contortionist to get it off.  That was a workout in itself ( I must have burned at least a hundred calories).  After requesting a new shirt, she came back into the dressing room, and  proceeded to grab a corset.  I, however, was standing demurely, looking as confident and nonchalant as possible.  This was a good time to start acting!  She seemed unfazed, and asked me if I'd ever worn a real corset before. I told her I had worn a current fashion, but no, not a real one.  How neat, I thought.  Another new thing tried!  I stood up on the podium, my back to her as she put the corset around me, as she started to cinch up the laces.  (I tried not to think about my birthmark- surely she couldn't help observing, probably winking at her.)  I also was surprised at how comfortable the corset was.  I'd read that many a woman would faint as a result of wearing the constricting corsets.  Evidently, I got ahead of myself.  The corset was too big for me. She proceeded to return with another one, much smaller.  So the same procedure all over again.  She instructed me that under no circumstances was I to unloosen any of the corset while working on the set. Fine I thought, no problem.  As she pulled the laces again, THIS time I felt the air being sucked out of me.  Oh, this is what they're talking about!  But my, how tiny my waist looked. I'm thinking.. I can do this.... and that was the last thing I remembered. Not really.. I'm saving the passing out until I can fall into some handsome cowboys arms! 
    I was then able to put on the long cotton drawers, and then the hooped underskirt frame. And then another petticoat on top of that. ( I'd always wanted to try one of those on as a little girl,  to look like a princess.)  Then I am told that the dress I am about to have put on me is an original; old and costly.  I'm not used to having anyone dress me, not since I was 4, and since I was not raised up as royalty, I'm accustomed to dressing myself.  I'm not sure about what exactly to do when someone is trying to dress you.  Do I  help, move my arms here, there, bend, or stand stiff? Even after she told me to put my arms up and make a motion like you are diving when putting the dress over my head, it still felt incredibly awkward. I cringed when I heard a slight rip as she put it over me. Oops. " Put your arms behind you and one at a time put your arms in the sleeves",  she instructed. She proceeded to come around to the front of me and button the endless buttons on the bodice.  She came up to right about my chin, and was very close to me.  I tried carefully not to exhale in her face, which wasn't too difficult considering I couldn't breathe at all!
    We go out to get an approval, and get told by her superior that the waist is too high, and I look like a lampshade, since the dress is not long enough!  (I'm thinking more along the lines of a domed beehive!)  Then comes dress 2, which will not button around my waist,  then 3, (don't remember what was off with that one), 4 works but let's try 5 just in case.  5 doesn't button, and so back to 4 with different hooped underskirts! Changing from one dress to another was not a simple matter.  Lots of buttons, and diving motions, which is even harder when your waist and ribcage are bound so tightly that it renders you  basically inflexible. They finally decided to add 6"  of material to the bottom of the dress, and put me in flats, not boots with heels.
    Honestly, I have never had that much trouble fitting into anything before in my life.  They snapped a picture, and I was good to go.  I felt relieved, especially when the corset came off and realized how easy we all have it, to just breathe freely  without too much constraint.  I will never take breathing for granted again!  I had to smile to myself as the next girl walked out in her dress and they said "It's too long", as she was lifting up the pooling fabric off the floor.

Here's to life and new experiences."

Looking forward

 
Photo taken on set of Comanche Moon (Santa Fe, New Mexico)


Today, I look forward.


Today, I dare to not look back.

At this moment, I am ok. I will be ok. 

new

♥ To start off ♥


Green is The Colour

Green is the colour of my eyes
And the shade of envy I despise,

Green is the color of bursting leaves renewed,
After the long winter hath subdued,

Green is the colour of emerald, stunning and dear
With spheres of jade that kiss my ear

Green is the colour of the laughing hills I’d explore
Under the tree I sit, my thoughts implore

Green is the colour of refreshing grass unstressed,
Bare feet engulfed, my toes caressed

Green is the colour of the transient liquid sea
A most enchanting place; hear it calling me