rain

It would seem to me that I would get familiar with the rain that sweeps in from nowhere, and pounds the earth with such intensity--- the monsoon season here in New Mexico. Several days ago in particular, I was up near the Sandia mountains, rollerblading, enjoying the fresh air and splendid views. It got to be near 8 p.m. and I was tired, and it was getting dark. I made my way to my car, drove off, and only a few minutes later the clouds came in and pummeled the car so much that I could barely see the road. It's beautiful....and it creates such a mood...




The above pictures are from my special friends in the U.K. They were in Cornwall, and have since moved to another country area. The green is absolutely amazing...

Last weekend was special.. and 6 year old Micah thought so too. At the end of our day together, he exclaimed "TODAY is the best day of my life!"... it was so endearing to me, so precious.....

Today was a good day. I always think to myself that I should tuck a bit of the good from a sunny day to carry me through the cloudy days of life...Lucy came down and helped me with some artistic ideas; we went to a few different art stores and was inspired... and then we were off to a French themed restaurant called Cafe Voile! where I had a yummy quiche, chardonnay, and creme brulee... and then saw No Reservations, which made me laugh out loud quite a bit... I rarely get excited about cooking, but the movie made me smell and almost taste what was shown on the screen. And the music was marvelous. Pavarotti  songs playing is always a good thing.. And then there's the part where the main actor, Aaron, blindfolds his love interest and gets her to guess the different flavors as he feeds her. So sweet.


I'm reading The Book of Useless Information, which has been quite fun.. did you know that Beethoven poured ice water over his head everytime he sat down to write music?

Less than two months till the fall. Where does the time go?

Today

'Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.'

~ from Sweet Darkness by David Whyte, 1992





I am peeling through the layers,
realizing some of them protective
and adaptive to situations,
things I had become accustomed to for various reasons.
I had long talks with myself this week.
Took time for solitude and enjoyed the
company. I have had so much going on,
so many decisions and distractions
this year that I had lost touch with myself. A little bit.
I realized traits I've developed that don't feel like
me, I've been analyzing them lately. A few friends offered some input and an ear, my sister and mom & dad... I appreciated their viewpoints.
I've missed my nature walks I routinely took before I moved here to the city this year (ahh... so cleansing to the soul)... I must seek out the opportunities that are around me here...
They say change is good. And I am the first to say I love change. Something to add variety and excitement to life, to break you out of routine... Not that I can't be content with things as they are, but always looking for new ways of doing, seeing, feeling, tasting, touching, smelling..... BEING...
Saying goodbye to some people,
and hello to some new,
Revisiting old friends,
meshing with the present and
all that has changed with life
to bring us to where we are now.
Enjoying the moments of laughter,
and heart pounding excitement.
Tears being shed along the way, to make room
for more Love and joy.... although much is guarded
I can sense within me, and it's hard to realize that... but Time
is a good thing...

*smile*

I love to dream and think big. When I travel, instead of quenching the desire for awhile, it makes it worse. I went out of the country last week, and thought, I could just keep going and never turn back. Go sip some merlot with long meals in Tuscany, or backpacking in France, or check out the not so soft koalas in Australia. I have been to Europe before and liked what I saw... which makes it harder. I just commited to a job for the entire April, and I think to myself, what if I need to leave??? Crazy I know... but that's me.


oh, it tried snowing a bit today.


May 16, 2007

So my sis went back to California..Between the princess themed grad party, a wedding, (no funeral), the working on the Tv sets, watching Tv tapings, shopping, b-b-q's, zoo, dancing, rollerblading 1x ( she crashed big time ... tried to fall on the grass and ended up in the bark shreds bleeding) , movies, talking into the wee hours, .I could barely catch my breath... . I'm gonna sleep for the rest of the week! It was such fun, but my energy was lower than normal, plus finishing some antibiotics... We would get into giggling and laughing uncontrollably until it hurt... my aunt said we sounded like we had been drinking (which we hadn't) at one of her girl togethers.... good times... Funny how the neighbor who likes to do yardwork at my older roomates' house seemed to be showing up alot more. Ellie kept saying "he's baaaaccckkk" hehe... & I also got to play protective sister a few times; Gonna miss my chauffeur!
From the zoo. I brought my camera but left my battery charging back at home.. used my friends' camera which only let me get a few shots before it too died. I was so hoping to get a koala shot.. will settle for the cute kangaroo pic and camel ride shot however.

the interview

THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD
Author unknown


I dreamed I had an interview with God.

"So you would like to interview me?" God asked.

"If you have the time" I said.

God smiled. "My time is eternity."
"What questions do you have in mind for me?"

"What surprises you most about humankind?"

God answered...
"That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again."

"That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health."

"That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future."

"That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived."

God's hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons
you want your children to learn?"

"To learn they cannot make anyone
love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved."

"To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others."

"To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness."

"To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them."

"To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least."

"To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings."

"To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently."

"To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves."

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else
you would like your children to know?"

God smiled and said,
"Just know that I am here... always."

Bees

in my backyard...

seriously.

they built their hive home on the outside of the shed,

an amazing buzz of life

and energy.

I got so close I could feel their wings brush my skin

the smell of the honey scenting the air with yumminess. Delightful.

The experts say the

cell phone towers are killing the bees.

Probably. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t they look busy?  Busy as....

The Locksmith

I would suppose having 2 different people arrive at the airport to pick you up would be a sign of being cared about! I was thinking of that incident which occured last month, and it made me smile.









The Locksmith 🔑



Come awaken me from the intrepid box of dreams
The key has been lost for generations,
who is able to unlock the enigma within hearts lair

You thought you knew
You're the locksmith for all those captive in the tower,
A knight not of this world but beyond

How many pools of tears endured before,
and drowned the innocence of budding expectations,
unknown they remain,

In my eyes a story they tell
they betrayed me
A reflection in which you saw yourself,

Unravel the ties
bound together with the thread of enlightenment,
you wove a coverlet of promise

Releasing my entrapped wings,
You set me free to dance in the palace of your soul,
the box now opened

Written by yours truly

there for another/hearts

Nothing snaps me out of thinking about my own issues like being a shoulder to cry on for someone else. Turning outwardly for another person, and calling forth words of encouragement for a loved one.

My younger brother called me. He missed me and needed my advice. I remember 19. Quite vividly. I was able to give him words of hope, and at the end of the conversation he was able to laugh a bit.   It was absolutely the best feeling. After all, isn't that what makes life wonderful- the ability to know we are loved and cared for? That when in need- we matter, and can have the assurance that someone, maybe more than one person, would do anything they could for us? I think so.


********************************************




Everybody's at war with different things. . . . I'm at war with my own heart sometimes.

-- Tupac Shakur




Grateful owner of the first Jarvik artificial heart, Houghton seems to have lost his emotions...

At the same time, he reports, he's become more "coldhearted" -- "less sympathetic in some ways." He just doesn't feel like he can connect with those close to him. He wishes he could bond with his twin grandsons, for example. "They're 8, and I don't want to be bothered to have a reasonable relationship with them and I don't know why," he says.

The real price of his tin heart, he says, was the shift in his spirit. "My emotions have changed. Somehow I can't help that," he says.

"Being a Jungian psychologist, I would describe myself as less intuitive. More of a thinking, more rational, less intuitive person. Less sure if I can do things by inspiration."



Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.

-- Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald



He can only feel enough to regret that he doesn't feel enough.

The poets, the bible have been right all these millennia....emotions are matters of the heart...





As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

-- Proverbs 23:7
In the United States, there were only 40 implants of permanent ventricular-assist devices in the last reporting year. Most are used to keep people alive until a human heart can be found for transplant. (Houghton's original condition ruled out a transplant.) No one has had one for as long as Houghton. In fact, Houghton's cardiologist reports his six other implant patients are no longer in the running. They all have died.

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.

-- Blaise Pascal



I think we all sometimes hate how our heart can hurt, how it can mislead, how it can be in such pain. But how about how it can glow with love, leap with joy, absolutely radiate with amazing feelings, energy.... something to be so grateful for.. that heart beating within.... so much more than just flesh..

more and more and more snow...

It has been snowing ALL day long. It's beautiful, gorgeous and breathtaking. I was sharing a story with my friend about my fond memories of the occasional snow that we had growing up in northern California. It happened perhaps every five years... or so it seemed to me.

The specific time that sticks out in my mind is having an exhilarating snow fight with my dad and brothers and sister (don't remember mom...hmm). So anyway, my dad was quite good at packing quite a hard snowball. I didn't think it was quite fair with my small hands, struggling desperately trying to make anything quite as effective as his rock hard snowballs.

Well, I somehow caught sight of a baseball, and in an instant, without thinking about it, covered it with snow, to make my own 'snowball'. Let me tell you, the instant it was freed from my hand and on it's way to the center of my dad's forehead, I reconsidered things! Funny how our mind works that way! It was almost like a Matrix moment... in slow motion I could see the path of destruction... I yelled out to warn my dad...which is it again that travels faster- sound or snowball?? Oh yeah. Snowball. Good thing he had a hard head.. and all of the children took after him~


"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep."
Carl Sandburg

winter wonder

There's something about the snow filled winter day. For whatever reason my melancholy state was enhanced by the never ending snowflakes falling. My heart filled with wondering about what would be, and gratitude for what is.
I put on my bright pink turtleneck, my coat, and my boots, and packed my camera and camcorder into a plastic bag to keep it safe from any curious snowflakes that would care to venture near...
I went towards the apple orchard, where earlier this year I had spent some time enjoying the flowers and the bees... amazed by the absolute stillness about me which was breathtaking. As much as I love springtime, I could not deny the beauty about me. I went up the snowpacked dirt road, through the fence and up towards the hill, determined to reach the top if I didn't roll down in a big snowball hitting pinon trees as I went...I did not, but in fact realized that my boots with the 2 inch heel made for a perfect climbing instrument. I dug deeply into the 10" snow, at times seeing the dirt lifted up with my following step. My heart pounded, and my cheeks felt invigorated by the crisp snowflakes.. I loved it. When I got to the top, and took a look around.. I felt at peace. It was terrific.
I made it back home and settled down with a steaming cup of candy cane green tea and watched Little Women. It was a bit surreal watching the snow through the large picture window alongside my tv. It literally transported me into the era! It was perfect.

sisters having fun

What a blast we had! While visiting in California, I was persuaded by my brothers to partake in a game of paint ball. We piled on the clothing for fear of getting bruised by our adversary’s attack, and wore the special face mask. I was scared somewhat, and did a lot more hiding than attacking. I did end up with one bruise on my leg. We paired up in teams and dodged about through the manzanita trees and other foliage about, especially conscious of the twigs that would break underfoot. We worked up a sweat, and had some good laughs afterwards. 


Here is a poem I wrote, inspired by the birth of my sister....


New Arrival


Finally the day had arrived
Anxiously I’d awaited
For months I’d counted the days
Thinking maybe this time a sister I’d receive
Although my hope was unsteady
Three times before
New brothers mom had bore
Waiting, waiting,
I anxiously paced
Pa said all was well
It’s healthy and mom is fine
Soon on my way I was to see
My heart crushed as I heard
‘You’ve got to be happy with what we’ve got’
It was not to be this time, I knew
Crimson cheeks and aqua eyes
Filled me with delight
With jubilation I was encased
As the name on the fragile wrist I did read,
‘Ellen Kate’
So delirious was I,
how the hat of pink had escaped my eye!